I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Randomize
