My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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