We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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