Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
