Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
