i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
