its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
