You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
