we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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