I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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