I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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