i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Randomize
