She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
