i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Randomize
