I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
jump out the window naked night went bad
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