You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
