Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
