"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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