Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
