Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize