I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
