Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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