so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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