FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
