dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
