FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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