I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
