the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
