dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
