Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
