This girl is more easily done than said...
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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