I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
