update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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