I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
