in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I just forgot I was standing up.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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