What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
