everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
