Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
