matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Randomize
