3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
