Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
