3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Randomize
