please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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