I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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