This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
