I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
