id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
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