Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
