wakey wakey hands off snakey
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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