we have pet lesbian snakes
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
