Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
