you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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