You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
