What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
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