i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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