I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
