I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
