Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
The air was thick with penises
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
