I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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