College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I deserve this hangover.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
