my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I look better un-naked...
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
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